on the brink

1990 Hollyhocks, Watercolors


One woman friend has a successful brain operation, another battles breast cancer and another wins a Guggenheim! All artists, all strong and all caring human beings.

I write a proposal for a grant to show in Sea Cliff. Want to maintain some positive connection. Maybe see some acquaintances.

"Can't touch you now, paralyzed..." 

12/14/00 WFUV

Friends recommend me for a Collage exhibit at a gallery at a college in the East End of Long Island. Accepted. The curator is wonderfully exuberant and vocal. The newest ethereal pieces are selected.

 Unfortunately I never get to see the show. Totally inaccessible. Wrote letters...for another reason the president leaves under pressure. The press ignores me and friend. 

Despite ideas to the contrary I sign up with an organization of disabled artists with a Brooklyn address. Again I do not get to the opening or exhibit. This time for reasons other than access. 

The grant is accepted for a one person show in January 2000. I'm off to New Mexico only this time alone!

The big change for me is the ability to pull my pants up! No need for help in those public bathrooms. Southwest Airlines has easy boarding; no reserve seating. 

1989 With Dylan and Dagna 

photo by Peter Kutscher

An unusual find at a Saturday morning garage sale...large linoleum sheets for printing...catches my eye. Seldom find art supplies at a price conducive to buying. For whatever reason I buy them, printing inks and some carving handles and blades to go along with them. 

This precipitates a couple of large unique prints based on an imaginary perspective from the air and philosophical maps of subjects dear to me. The first, Aerial View 1 (1989), has the  names of favorite artists overprinted on it. In the center...da Vinci.

Used an antique display press with hand cut wood typographer blocks for that. A casing of clear vinyl, grommets to thread rope and it's ready to hang from a black dowel. Sold that quite easily with the help of a decorator in town.

Wendy and Frank Csoka move in across the park. They are both involved with fine art, graphics and the business of advertising. Always something to talk about. Wendy and I begin to take evening walks. Sea Cliff has tree lined streets along the water, Victorian homes in various stages of restoration, antique shops and galleries on the two main streets. It's always a new scenario. A great stress reducer.

I take fast walks alone in the mornings. Weight reducer.

Frank asks me if I would like to teach at FIT! Would I. The lowly foundations courses are taught by the newest adjuncts; I have state guidelines to follow and I'm nervous as an untrained puppy. With his 16 years experience, patience and teaching acumen; I know I'll be ready to begin the fall session.

Was it A Nightmare or A Dream? (1989) is a small canvas inspired by a vision. First pure painting in awhile. Pushed at me till it actualized for better or for worse.

Without warning a new love enters my life. Summer is ripe for parties at my house; people can move around the outside porch as well as inside. Sharing food and mixing people of various circles in life is great fun to me. Kyle brings an Italian/Portuguese man with him; would I be interested in doing designs for his new restaurant? Of course Kyle needs to have him as an investor for whatever business he's into at the moment! The old one for me...one for you...one for me.

All I see is WOW! I have to know this guy; when everyone else leaves we discuss renderings to use for cementing the rental contract in an exclusive shopping center in Locust Valley. Immediately begin on them the next day. Bill and I begin to frequent restaurants, buildings and even museums for inspiration. I'm in love. Crazy too. He's twelve years younger and manic; so what's one more ball to juggle. Oh, what a ball!

School begins; scheduling necessitates being in Manhattan three days a week. It's nerve racking in the sense  I'm weak in the discipline side of teaching. Wherever or whenever there's weakness; the students zero in and take over. It's going to demand a depth of self-assurance in the areas of design, speaking and demonstration beyond anything I've done before.

"Reconciling love & art is perhaps more difficult than art/politics." 12/10/89

I start to paint very large watercolors of flowers after a business cohort tells me that I should become more commercial with my fine art! The garden is a constant source of material.

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